Dating in Korea III: My Personal Experience

I have a confession to make.  This may sound shallow, but the biggest reason why I became fascinated with, and eventually came to Korea is because I became attracted to Korean women.

Deep down, aren't ladies the biggest motivation behind why any man does anything of significance?  You ask most of the great guitarists, and singer/songwriters of all time, and they all say the reason they learned to play the guitar and/or sing was to impress the ladies.  According to the movie, The Social Network, a lady was a huge motivation behind Mark Zuckerberg's creation of Facebook.  The infamous war between the Athenians and the Trojans, where the wooden horse was rolled out, was fought over a beautiful woman, Helen of Troy.

During my three years in Korea, I've had three girlfriends, all of them being Korean.  The first one was Tae Hee, whom I wrote about in previous posts.  I remember our inherent chemistry being so strong that she had a really difficult time speaking a coherent sentence in English, and I knew absolutely no Korean at the time, but despite that, we were able to laugh a lot, have an amazing time together, and really enjoy each other's company.  It was one of the most incredible experiences of my life.  I learned during that time that we humans have a means of communication that is every bit as strong as the respective languages we speak verbally, and that is attraction, kindness, affection, and care.

Tae Hee was gorgeous.  She had long thick flowing black hair, and she sort of curled the bottom of her hair with one large curl, the way many Korean ladies do.  Her skin was extremely fair, and she did not have double eyelids (larger eyes) that many Korean ladies desire, and get plastic surgery to acquire, meaning that her face looked distinctly Asian, almost like the women you see in those ancient paintings.  She had such an infectious Korean laugh, and she was socially poised.  She was well-dressed, extremely elegant, and as feminine as they come.  We dated for around nine months, and I don't think I was ever more infatuated with a woman than I was with her, which was why I was so devastated when we broke up.  It wasn't because of the lack of language.  Actually, she made such a strong effort.

I remember riding in her car with her, and although she was a music lover, she would have English tapes playing over her sound system.  The kind many of us have heard where a generic monotone American woman's voice would say random statements, and the user was supposed to repeat them aloud, and Taehee would do just that.  It was really cute.  She put a lot of effort into it, and I admired her for that.  The voice would say statements like, "I really love cucumbers."

And she would repeat in a strong Korean accent, "I really love cucumbers."

"I found this great shopping site online."

Again she would repeat in her cute, but strong Korean accent, "I found this great shopping site online."

In the generic monotone American woman's voice, "That is absolutely disgusting."

In a Korean accent with her voice cracking trying not to laugh, "That is absolutely disgusting." And as she repeated, she would point at me, then laugh really hard in her laugh that was so Korean and so infectious.

She was a lot of fun to be around.  She would do these impressions of me, and I still laugh whenever I think about them.

Anyways, and again, we didn't break up because of the language barrier.  We broke up because the difference in our beliefs.  When I knew our relationship was over, I was devastated, although I tried not to be.  Like many men, I tried to hide it, even from myself.  I would still see her sometimes, and when I would, it would be so difficult.

My most recent girlfriend, Boyeong, was the daughter of a Korean pastor.  We were set up by a mutual friend, and we both agreed to meet each other on a blind date at a local cafe.  I had no expectations going into it.  To be honest, I was expecting her to be ugly.

As I was on my way to meet her for the first time, she wrote in a text, "I'm sitting in the corner wearing a green jacket."

Upon walking into the cafe, I looked in the corner at the lady wearing a green jacket, and I was pleasantly surprised to notice that she was very attractive.  She was tall, and slim with a beautiful gracefulness in how she moved.  She also had fair skin, and her face had strong Korean features, but it also had an unexplainable beautiful uniqueness to it.  While TaeHee's style was more elegant, Boyoung was more modest and plain, which I really liked also.  

It's kind of funny.  They were seemingly opposites in terms of personalities, personal style, and the way they dressed.  TaeHee was more socially poised, despite her lack of knowledge of English, while Boyeong was more introverted, and socially uncomfortable, despite the fact that her English was fluent.  She lived in Toronto for six years of her life.  Taehee projected an air of maturity around her while Boyeong had sort of an endearing girlishness.  But at the same time, Taehee was a little clumsy and ditzy, while Boyeong had an innate common sense.

With Taehee, I knew that our relationship would not work out when she said, "I trust in Buddha."  Despite that, I was willing to give it a try, because I was so infatuated.  With Boyeong, when she started talking about her beliefs, her family, and how she was raised,  I thought to myself, "In terms of background, this is the type of lady that I am looking for."  

Boyeong, in her introvertedness, sometimes seemed sort of distant and standoffish, but there were numerous moments where I knew she genuinely cared.

One such moment was on my birthday.  Being that she was sort of casual, in terms of style, on that day, she was dressed up, wearing a skirt, and looked amazing.  Until then, I never realized how stunning she looked when she was dressed that way.   Her tall slim figure, and the natural gracefulness in the way she moved really made her look beautiful when dressed up.  

She had a birthday cake in a box from one of the bakeries in one hand, and a large bag containing a gift in the other.  We went out to eat at one of my favorite restaurants in Gwangju, and afterwards, we went to my apartment, which was small by American standards.

I abided strictly by the Korean rule of no shoes allowed inside.  I had no chairs for guests to sit in, so we sat on the floor with our shoes off, and rested the cake on the edge of the bed as if it were a coffee table.  She didn't realize how amazing she looked, sitting on that wooden floor, so elegantly dressed, and lighting the candles on my birthday cake that was on the end of my bed, but I did.  I proceeded to blow out the candles, and she gave me the present.

I removed the wrapping paper, and noticed it was a dark green polo brand sweater.  I was so excited to receive it.

Her voice was feminine, quiet, and unique.  After seeing my face, and noticing that my excitement was genuine, she said in her almost perfect English with a slight Korean and an equally slight Canadian accent, "I can tell you really like Polo."

She was right.  Then we proceeded to have a romantic evening, before it was time for me to take her home.

That relationship didn't work out either.  We simply weren't right for each other, and like Taehee, I have no ill-will towards her, and I wish her the best.

I feel like I am so blessed to experience Korean culture in this manner, to have acquired personal stories and memories about the beautiful people that I've met here.  My relationships are easily my most memorable, and most treasured aspects of Korea that I have experienced, and I will never forget those memories that were made here.  

Seoul: Kind of Tiresome, but Still Good

I have been living in Seoul for almost a year now, and I feel like I am becoming more integrated into the culture of the city.  It seems like I am always "on the go," and I'm not accustomed to living life like that, being that I am a Louisiana boy.  Lately, I've been feeling rather fatigued when arriving at my apartment after a full day of work.

Currently, I am holding two jobs.  I am still a full-time elementary school teacher.  I no longer work at my school at Incheon.  I recently got a new job at a school in Anyang, still teaching for the After School Program.  I am also teaching business English near Gangnam in the mornings, a job that I started recently.  (It's legal.  I have an F-4 visa.)  Holding two jobs can be a lot of work, and can be tiresome, but nonetheless, it is rewarding, and I am loving what I am doing.

Regarding my business English job in the mornings, I am the personal English teacher of a CFO of a company here in Korea.  Many times, I am self-conscious, and am wondering whether or not I am doing a good job, but recently, she gave me a compliment that I really enjoyed receiving.  She has a really large vocabulary, and her grammar mistakes are minor.  She just needs more confidence in her ability, and my objective as her teacher is to instill that.  She asked me in a Korean accent, and in the careful thought out manner that she normally speaks in, "Have you ever considered teaching as a volunteer for orphans, or the poor?  ...  Because you are a very good teacher."

I was especially happy to hear that, considering, lately, I have been feeling overwhelmed.  I live over an hour by subway from my business English job in Gangnam, which is an hour away from my school in Anyang, which is where I go immediately after, and that is an hour away from my home in southwestern Seoul, and on many nights after work, I have church and social commitments.  On busier days, I am on the subway for over three hours, sometimes more.  On some days, I find myself leaving my apartment at 6:15 in the morning, and returning at around eleven in the evening.

There is something relaxing about being on a train with my headphones on, listening to my favorite music, and flipping pages through an ebook quietly, while standing amongst all the people who are doing the same thing, and all entering and exiting the train, going to and coming from different places as the train regularly stops and goes along the same line that I am on.  There is also something about traveling/commuting, especially when waiting is involved, and especially when it is around so many other people, that induces fatigue upon the body.  And that is my greatest struggle at the moment.

I have made a lot of friends here, as God has really blessed me through my church, Onnuri English Ministry, but many times, I feel a need to sit home and recharge during my off time, instead of being social.  Both of my jobs involve a considerable amount of heavy and close interaction with lots of people, and so does my commuting.  The more I learn about who I am, the more I realize that I am extroverted, but at the same time, even the most extroverted of people need some time alone to recharge.

Lately, since living here, I have reserved my Saturday mornings for relaxing, watching NBA basketball, having a large breakfast, and drinking coffee in my apartment.  I sit, and relax until I am hungry again, then I order delivery.  After that, I usually take a nap, then I wake up, and usually, at around dusk, I am ready to see people again.

On a random weeknight, while winding down from an especially long day, while having my nightly devotional, which includes prayer and daily bible reading, I told God about my jobs, my commute, and my fatigue.  I spilled my heart out to him.  And as I was doing so, I believe he spoke.  I felt it deep within my heart.  He said, "This is preparing you for something else.  Be strong."

I immediately felt invigorated.  I know that I am here for a reason, and despite all of the difficulties, it feels good to be achieving a dream.  It feels good to be living life confidently and successfully, while having to put forth a considerable amount of effort.  And it feels especially good to be living life with a purpose.

Dating in Korea II

Pure attraction, emotional connections, and "love," many times, isn't enough in Korea.  As Americans, we have the mentality that when we want something, we try to get it, no matter how difficult it can be, and many of us apply that principle to dating.  Numerous love stories in American movies are about couples who overcame a series of extremely difficult obstacles in order to be together.  I've never realized how much the notion of 'overcoming obstacles' is ingrained into American society until coming to Korea, a society where that thought process is significantly less prevalent.

For example, the first lady that I dated here in Korea and I had numerous what she called "barriers."  Despite having a strong mutual attraction, we never became "official."  Koreans are normally rather quick to attach that status onto their relationships.  But that wasn't the case with us.  I was an American.  Her English wasn't fluent.  She was buddhist, while I was a christian.  She was so afraid that her parents wouldn't approve of her dating a foreigner that she didn't tell them about me.  She was afraid of how other Koreans would perceive her, especially the people that were close to her.  Because of those things, she never officially became my girlfriend, despite secretly dating for over six months.

Koreans place an extremely high value on their reputations within their communities.  Doing something to cause others to view them less than honorably is one of the worst things that they can do.  This particular motivation cannot be understated in their decision making process, and it is especially true when they choose their potential spouses.  That is a huge reason why Koreans seem to be less likely to allow their infatuation to overcome their logic when selecting potential partners.

At one point, the first lady that I dated, who was fluent in Chinese, casually and jokingly suggested that we both quit our jobs in Korea, and move to China.  She didn't come across as one who would grow a wild hair, but looking back objectively, I believe she saw that as one way it would work.

In Korea, the compatibility of a couple seems to have to be more than emotional and physical.  The connection has to be circumstantially logical.  For example, the parents have to approve of the relationship.  The husband has to have the right job.  The couple must look good and upstanding before other members of society.  Those, and numerous other factors have to be logically acceptable, before two people can start dating.

My current girlfriend and I became a couple rather quickly.  We are a fit, because we are both christians.  Our mutual faith enables us to have a similar world view, and we seem to understand each other's motives in various situations.  I value her advice.  Despite the fact that our tastes are different, our growth as people, and as a couple, comes from the same place, the Bible.  Moreover, her English is fluent, as she lived and went to school in Canada for several years.  Because I am a christian, her mother approves of the fact that we are dating.  Our faith is a strong commonality that we have that makes our relationship a fit.  For many christian Koreans, that can be enough to make a relationship possible.

Many logical factors can come into play in a Korean's decision to not date a person, despite being infatuated, especially with a foreigner, among them being the fact that the westerner will eventually return to their home country, while the Korean is faced with a dilemma of whether or not to go with his/her partner, or even to stay together for that matter.  For example, my former coworker, who is a westerner, and her Korean boyfriend broke up because she told him that she is definitely going home to the States once her contract with her school is finished.

Americans, many times, date simply because there is a strong mutual infatuation.  And as they do so, and get to know each other, the circumstantial logistics are taken into consideration, or even confronted when they have to be.  Many times, those circumstantial logistics are ignored or overlooked if the physical and emotional connection is strong enough.  (It doesn't seem to be a coincidence that most of the divorces in America are because of finances.)

The notion that most Americans believe that "love" is enough is a reason why the courtship/engagement process in America tends to last a lot longer than it does in Korea.  I find that, generally speaking, Americans get married at a younger age, but do so at a later stage in the relationship.  Most of my American friends were married soon after graduating from college, but they dated and were engaged to their wives for three, four, or even five years before getting married.  And many of those that didn't graduate college tend to get married soon after high school.

The inverse seems to be true with Koreans.  Koreans get married at an older age, but do so at an earlier stage in the relationship than most Americans.  Koreans seem to be so career and educationally driven that for many of them, dating seems to be lower in their priorities.

If a Korean couple is of age, and are settled in their careers, they seem get married at an early stage in the relationship, by American standards, because everything is a fit.  So why not, and why wait?  I have heard of Korean couples agreeing to get married after dating for a few months, but I find that most couples here wait around a year, before discussing it.

Some of my friends at home have children around the age that I am teaching, so when coming to Korea, I was expecting to interact with parents who were close to my age, but that isn't the case.  The parents of the children that I teach are a lot older than I am.

Is one culture's mindset superior than the other?  They both have their strengths and weaknesses.  Americans, many times, overlook obvious red flags when dating, because they are together on the sole basis of attraction.  Many times, American divorces are because of the fact that logical circumstancial differences become too difficult.

Many times, Koreans can have a tendency to weigh logical circumstances too heavily in choosing who to go into a relationship with, when love and chemistry should be more of a factor.  Divorce doesn't seem to be as prevalent here as it is in America.  But unfaithfulness is every bit as such, and prostitution is significantly more prevalent and accepted here than it is in America.  That is certainly evidence of weaknesses in the marriage and family culture.

Upon coming to Korea, I thought that men are men, and women are women, so dating worldwide is universal, and as the old saying goes, "love is the universal language."  I find that to not be the case.  Attraction is universal.  Emotional connections and chemistry are universal.  But certain dating customs are not, and different aspects of relationships seem to be emphasized more by different cultures. 

Getting Settled

I finally feel like I am settled here in Seoul.  I've finally secured an apartment.  It isn't the one that I mentioned in the previous post.  Many people have asked me about it, so I will go ahead and tell you what happened.

My friend who was helping me get settled advised me to wait and see other places, because there are better ones out there.  Most levelheaded people would perceive that as good advice.  I did.

After two days of looking, I saw numerous apartments, and found none that were better, so I decided I wanted to rent that particular place.  Upon informing the real estate agent of my intentions, he informed me that the apartment was already taken.

The old saying, "If you snooze, you lose" never rang truer in my life at that moment.  I've learned that, in the moment, if there is something that you truly want, and if it is available, and if you have the means to attain it, seize the moment without delay.  Sometimes opportunities vanish.

My current apartment isn't quite as nice as that place, but it is better than anything that I could have imagined  before moving here, so I am ecstatic about it.  It is now fully furnished, and has been for the last month.  I had to buy all of it, but it was cheaper than I had previously anticipated, and I am pleased with how it looks.  

The same can be said about my job.  It has been wonderful, and better than I hoped it would be.

Like my previous job, I rarely see my boss, so I am not micromanaged, and I am given the freedom to teach these kids the best way I see fit.

Just like my previous school, the children at my school are amazing.  I look forward everyday to teaching and interacting with them.  They have a lot of joy, and they impart a lot of it on me.  It is a good feeling to be in constant contact with people who are always genuinely happy to see you, and people who greet you with a lot of enthusiasm upon seeing them.   As a whole, they consistently display the same goodness everyday.  I am blessed.

They take pleasure in the simple things.  They love it when I pick them up, and throw them on my shoulders.  They love the drawing contests that we have.  They love the simple youtube videos that I show them.  They ask for this one every single day.  It never gets old for them.

As much as we play, we also work, and my goal is to enable them to speak English, and to help them in developing a strong work ethic.

A drawback of my job is that I am the only foreigner there, so the camaraderie that was so prevalent at my previous workplaces is not nearly as prevalent here.  The kids, and my Korean co-teacher are the only people that I am in close contact with at my current school.

My church, Onnuri English Ministry, has been incredible.  It is a church where the holy spirit obviously moves.  It is a rather large church, and the minister, along with the music is incredible.  There are a lot of people there who are on fire for God, and I always feel so inspired after attending every Sunday afternoon.

A drawback to attending a rather large church, like OEM, is that despite the fact that I leave feeling inspired, despite the fact that the music is so awesome that I feel as if I am truly worshipping God while listening and singing, and despite the fact that the minister consistently preaches incredibly inspiring messages, plugging in and finding friends has been rather difficult.  And that is something that normally isn't difficult for me.

The city of Seoul, in general, has been that way.  In most moments, I am more of an extrovert than an introvert, but for some reason, Seoul has brought out the introvert in me.

I go to the gym.  It is a great facility, but it's as if I am in my own bubble as I work out, finish, and walk back to my apartment without having any real contact with anybody.  I do the same at my church.  I do the same when I stop at a restaurant to eat.  I do the same when I explore the city.  I do the same when I travel to and from work.  I do that in numerous instances in life here in this beautiful city.

I feel as if I had now taken that first step in fulfilling the calling of God in my life.  Everything that I have here, among them being my church, my job, my apartment, and even my gym have been better than I could have imagined, and I find that that is how God works for those who follow the calling that he has for their lives.

My experience so far in Seoul has shown me that God provides, and his provision never disappoints.   But with the exception of my Church, my entire provision has been material things.  But still, after being here for almost two months, I find myself waiting for the provision of that which is most worthwhile, friendships.

At the moment, here in Korea, my closest friends are my lovely girlfriend who lives four hours away in Gwangju, my students, and my Korean colleagues at work.  

Among so many people in such a large city, it is so easy to feel hidden as you walk along the sidewalks that are illuminated by all the bright signs, and lined with restaurants filled with people laughing and pleasantly socializing, as the sound of the buses roar by on the busy streets.  Contrary to popular belief, a large city is a great place to find solitude.

I've recently reread The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho, and in that book, the main character had to cross the Sahara Desert in order to achieve his dream.  It describes how the desert can be a vicious place for those who foolishly attempt to press through it.  One has to know the ways of the dessert, and one must be familiar with the obstacles before being able to cross it successfully.  One must be able to recognize signs in order to see obstacles before they approach.  Many times, because of those obstacles, there are detours, and many times, there are moments of waiting while journeying.

I feel as if I am currently in one of those moments of waiting.  Rather than awkwardly forcing myself upon a circle of friends who aren't interested in expanding their particular circle, I have chosen to sit back and wait.  And rather than recklessly pressing on, and foolishly forcing myself into what I personally believe is the calling that God has for me here in this city, I have decided to sit and wait for a recognizable opportunity.  I have recognized that this time of solitude is merely a simple detour, and a time to wait and rest.

At the moment, Seoul is an unfamiliar place.  And just like the Sahara Desert, the unfamiliar can be a vicious place for a person who foolishly presses on without being able to recognize open doors that are provided.

Sometimes being alone can be difficult, but God blesses those who are content.  I've never had a problem with taking pleasure in my solitude, and I have thus become content with it.  I've decided to wait, and allow an open door from God to be my guide for attaining friendships, and for moving forward with the calling that he has for my life.

At the moment, everything is okay.

#PrayforNorthKorea  #PrayforaunitedKorea

Seoul

Seoul is one of the largest cities in the world.  It has an unmistakeable energy that is very similar to that of New York city.  I always enjoy riding the subway across the Han River and seeing the sky scrapers that line the banks.  I am always taken aback by that.  I love weaving through the crowds walking through Seoul Station and Myeongdong.  Even the cafes at certain spots also have a certain unmistakeable energy.  Maybe that's why I find that I write better in Seoul.

Previously, during my first two years as a teacher in Korea, I was on what is called an E-2 visa, which is sponsored by the school where the foreign teacher teaches, so many times, his/her status as a resident in Korea is dependent on the school.  I am not going to go very deeply into it, but basically, as far as work is concerned, it can be fairly restrictive.

Currently, I am on what is called an F-4 visa.  My residency is no longer at the mercy of my employer.  My status as a resident here is based on my Korean heritage.  Basically, with an F-4, I have many of the benefits that Korean citizens receive.  My apartment will be in my name, instead of my school's, so if I decide to quit my job, I will still have a place to live, and I can find another one with minimal problems.  I can work more than one job legally, unlike an E-2.    I can start a business, get a credit card (not that I ever would), buy property, and etc.

As beneficial as it is to have an F-4 visa, at the same time, I have had my share of difficulties this week.

The school that recently hired me only hires foreigners on F-type visas, so unlike those that sponsor E-type visas, I have to do everything myself, as far as preparing for my job.  I had to go to the hospital to get my required medical examination on my own.  I had to find an apartment without the help of my school.  I had to pay for my flight.  I had to handle all of my required registration with the immigration office myself.  Under an E-2, the school takes care of all that, so now I find that during my previous two years, I took that for granted, as do numerous other foreigners teaching English in Korea.

On top of that, I speak very little Korean, which can many times throw a "monkey wrench" into my entire set of tasks.  If I didn't know anybody here, and had no friends or connections, I wouldn't be able to do it.  I really need to learn Korean...

Seoul is a city where the people seem to be in their own worlds and totally oblivious to things that my laid back personality would easily notice.  They seem that way because they are so focused on the task at hand.  As a visitor, I never quite understood why the pace of these megacities is so fast, and why there is such an inherent intensity and energy among the populations.  I have come to find that it is because the task at hand takes precedence over stopping to enjoy the sights and sounds.  I.e. "Money makes the world go round."

This week, while working intently to complete all that I was required to do to prepare myself for work the following week, I found myself blending in quite easily.  I was walking through the halls of those subway stations with a focus, and I was rather oblivious to my surroundings.  Just like a lot of those business men, I was texting and talking on my telephone with new colleagues about logistical issues regarding work.  I felt like I was walking, talking, and texting with a new sense of purpose.  

Even my leisurely walks had a purpose.  Today, I viewed a few apartments.  I visited a particular one that was my favorite.  It's on the nineteenth floor of a high rise building.  I would be the first person to live in that particular unit, so everything in it was new and spotless.  The view from the large window was vast and stunning.  And, not to mention, the price was right.  I started picturing myself living there, but the subway station was a little further from the apartment than I would have liked.

After viewing the last apartment of the evening, the real estate agent dropped me off at the subway station, and I had some extra time before the sun set with nothing else to do.  Those who know me know that I am rather laid back and care free, and they know that I am not a detail or a task oriented person.  I would normally never do anything like this, but I decided to walk from the exact position where the steps ended at the subway station to the apartment, so I could time exactly how long that walk would be on a normal day when heading to work.

I walked as if I were walking to work, and I made it a point to stop at every crosswalk, and not jaywalk where there was a light (Hey D.), so I could get an accurate timing.  When I got to the apartment, I found that it was a little faster than I had anticipated.  I was determined to get an even more accurate timing, so I also timed my walk back to the subway station to get an average.  I found that it took an average of seven and a half minutes to walk from my potential apartment to the subway station.

When I got to the subway station, I noticed that I had to walk completely across the entire place to board the train, so another three minutes could be tacked on to that.  I also took a wrong turn, and walked up a gargantuanly large escalator.  I found that four minutes can be lost because of a wrong turn followed by a ride up and down an enormous escalator.

Those who know me well know that I am not the type of person who is concerned with mundane logistical issues.  Maybe Seoul brings that out of me.  This week has been somewhat stressful, and stress causes me to focus, so this week, I made my contribution to the inherent intensity, energy, and fast pace.

The skyscrapers, the bright lights, the roar of the subways, the sound of heavy traffic, and the crowds all motivate and energize me.  They seem to also enable me to focus.  I am looking forward to living here, and experiencing this great city as a resident.  It's tiresome, and sometimes stressful, but nonetheless, it's exciting, and much more so than caffeine, excitement energizes me.

I am looking forward to my time here.

The Surreal

Merriam-Webster defines the word, surreal, as "marked by the intense irrational reality of a dream; also: unbelievable, fantastic."  Last Friday, I flew back to America, and to say that this week has been filled with a whirlwind of emotion would be quite an understatement.  I said my goodbyes to my school, my friends, my church, and the city of Gwangju.  Many of the events have been, no doubt, surreal.

My contract ended on April 25, just in time to fly into Los Angeles on April 26 to make it to the wedding of one of my best friends, Matt.  The wedding was at a small, but gorgeous church on sort of a cliff, overlooking the southern California pacific coast.  The architecture of the church was Spanish.  It was marked by traditional white Spanish stucco, and a red tile roof.  It is my favorite style of architecture, and I hope that maybe my house will one day be built in that manner.

From that spot, we were able to see almost all of Los Angeles, and where the Pacific ocean begins.  And the wedding commenced late in the afternoon as the sun was beginning to set, my favorite part of the day.  The windows of this church were large, and fully displayed the amazing view of the city and the coast.  The weather in Los Angeles, apparently, is always perfect, and this day was no different.  It was surreal

Matt's bride was Indian, and she was given sort of a traditional Indian style wedding, as the dresses of the bridesmaids, and the bride were uniquely Indian, colorful, and stunningly gorgeous.  I am one who admires well-kept traditions.  And at a wedding, regarding bridesmaids, I had never seen a set of dresses that were more beautiful.

The bride's dress was also uniquely and traditionally Indian, and white.  It was refreshingly modest.  She was absolutely stunning, and to say that the ceremony was beautiful wouldn't give it justice.  I was blessed to be a part of it.  It was surreal.

Another great thing that made the wedding special was seeing numerous old friends.  I haven't had a drink in over five years, and I have come to find out that another one of my friends, Adam, stopped drinking also.

The reception was at a place that was further up the hill from the church, so from the porch of the reception hall, you could see even more of the city of Los Angeles and the Pacific Ocean.  And by the time the reception was in full swing the sun had fully set, so the view of the city was an endless field of lights as far as the eye could see.  It was surreal.

Adam and I had a moment, as we talked about the surreality of the view and the weekend.  Many of my friends still drink.  Some of them even still smoke marijuana.  And Adam said something that made me think.  He said, "I don't think that most of our friends in that reception hall who are all either drunk, stoned, or both can fully realize how surreal this moment is."

He continued,  "I've come to appreciate surreal moments such as this.  They make you feel alive.  I'm glad I quit drinking, because you can fully appreciate them in a way that you can't when you are not sober."

This week has been filled and overflowing with surreal moments.  Beginning last Sunday, I broke down, as I got up in front of my church to tell them good bye.  I also broke down when I told some of my favorite classes filled with children that I've grown to truly love that I may never see them again.  Several of my students wrote me letters in broken English explaining that they will miss me, and that they hope I have a good time in America.  My girlfriend and I broke up.  On my last day of work, I broke down as I took off my lab coat, said goodbye to the woman who helps us foreign teachers at my school, Mrs. Ahn, and my principle, Mr. Ryu, and stepped into that elevator leaving work for the last time.  The week was filled with surreality.

I've made it no secret that I am moving to Seoul.  One of my recruiters squeezed in two interviews in the morning before my flights, because it didn't take off until 6:50pm.  One of them was short, and by the book.  The other one was rather in depth, and I could tell that the director of this school was rather thorough.  She asked me a question about my teaching style.  I began to explain my style to her, which is to love my students first and foremost.  I continued by mentioning that I may never see many of my kids from my old school again.  And as I went on to explain how I really hoped that my students will remember me as a good teacher, I broke down yet again.  It was a surreal moment.  Luckily, both the people who were conducting the interview were women around whom I felt comfortable.

Many of you may think that I am this big "softie," and that may be the case, but all these moments were filled such emotion, and that interview happened when all of those surreal moments were so fresh in my mind.  I couldn't help it.  I don't think I've ever cried this much in one week.

I thank God for these surreal moments, and I don't believe I am being selfish in asking for many more.  As Adam explained, these surreal moments make us feel alive.  They enable us to appreciate life.  Luckily, Jesus says in the Bible, "Ask and you will receive.  Seek and you will find.  Knock and the door will be opened."  I believe God wants us to appreciate the life he gives us, and when we recognize that we are alive in these moments, we are able to more clearly see his work in our lives, and in our environments.

These surreal moments are all around us.  They don't have to always be on top of the hill in the sunset on Redondo Beach overlooking the city.  They can be every day moments in life.  The key to seeing them is to live life with a positive mindset, and a thankful heart.  Cynicism and a complaining mentality are two things that truly blind and numb a person to them.

I pray for more of them.  And my prayer is that you would experience them also.  God bless all of you.

Thoughts on PSY's "Gentleman"

I'll be honest with you.  I can't stop listening to PSY's new song, "Gentleman."  This morning while getting ready for work, I must have replayed that youtube video at least ten times in a row, and I found myself imitating him while shaking my hips in the privacy of my apartment.  There is no doubt that his music has a certain hypnotic quality that lots of great songs have.

I heard it for the first time last Sunday, and my immediate reaction was that whatever "it" is, PSY has it.  By "it," I am referring to that certain intangible unidentifiable quality that makes a person beyond great at what they do.  And when a person has "it" everything he/she does seems to "turn to gold."  I've been drawn to this video, more so than "Gangnam Style," ever since my first viewing.

I am one who looks at anything that goes viral with skepticism, and "Gangnam Style" was no different.  I was probably one of the last people in the world to deliberately and actively enter those key words on the search bar of youtube.com and view the video in it's entirety, and enjoy it.  There's no doubt that it's a cool song, and I was intentionally late in realizing that.

My opinions of PSY were based solely on my cynicism, and my artistic elitist fear of becoming a follower.  It's rather sad that that is what prevented me from simply enjoying something that is worthy of being enjoyed.  So upon my realization of his new release, I immediately went to Youtube, and checked out the song.   

I'm not fluent enough in Korean to know exactly what the words mean, but the video makes an obvious strong statement.  And that being that lots of men hold fast to obvious strong inhibitions when they are around attractive women, and in this video, PSY is rebelling against those very inhibitions.

I've heard accusations of the video being sexist, and I find that to be laughable.  It's so ridiculous that certain Americans try to inject their cancerous political correctness into anything they deem offensive.  Everything on this planet is offensive to somebody.  Americans just need to lighten up, have fun, and stop being little children who get offended over everything they perceive as negative.

Anyway, If the video for "Gentleman" is sexist, than it is just as sexist on the part of certain attractive women to expect a man to fawn over their every desire, and to expect the man to readily submit to their standards and desires without the man knowing who she actually is as a person.  Men are just as much at fault for this as women, and PSY is heroically rebelling and breaking through these inhibitions that women, many times, expect the man who is pursuing them to hold.  

As a man from the south, I am fairly familiar with chivalry.  When walking in a building or room at the same time as a lady, I usually attempt to be the one to open the door, and allow her to enter first.  I usually try to offer my arm while walking down a set of stairs with a lady.  I've offered my coat when l've heard ladies mention that they were cold.  It's a great feeling when a lady actually appreciates it, and it is a totally different feeling when she is unappreciative, and carries an ungrateful demeanor that expects such behavior.

Korea is a place that, no doubt, has an abundance of attractive ladies.  I will take it a step further in saying that there is an abundance of women who put a strong effort into maximizing their personal appearance, and I love that.  I wish more Americans applied the same effort, but unfortunately and obviously, a significantly smaller percentage do.  But nothing makes an attractive woman look more unattractive than arrogance, haughtiness, and a sense of entitlement based solely on her personal appearance, and that is the message that this video is conveying.

I'm not saying that I agree with everything that PSY is doing in this video, because there are things that he does that are downright degrading, but that is what rock n' rollers do.  They push the edge in order to maximize the shock value.  But I do agree with his message, and that is that the inhibitions that a man holds shouldn't be based on the expectations of the attractive woman that he is currently pursuing, because different women expect different things.  A man's inhibitions should be based on his personal values, belief systems, and the convictions he feels deep within his own heart.

I like PSY, and he is showing his true colors as a true artist in this video.  Although he doesn't play the guitar, although his music is electronic, and although he isn't from the west, his music and style is rock n' roll to the core.  Just like Elvis, The Rolling Stones, Guns n' Roses, and Nirvana, he is rebellious.  He is sexual.  He does things on his terms, and he doesn't seem to be a puppet for the record companies like most other artists.  And with the video and song, "Gentleman," he has shown that he is good at what he does, and that he has staying power.  I wasn't a fan when he put out "Gangnam Style," but now I am.

Dating in Korea

I realize that many of you who read my blog are people who are one or more of the following:  you are preparing to move to Korea; you are half korean, or want to know more about us halfies; you are somebody who is interested Korean culture; or you may be a friend of mine, or family member.  So the main reason you are reading this blog is for the information.  As a resident of Korea for almost two years now, I feel I can possibly shed some light on a subject that is of interest to everybody:  the dating culture in Korea.  

Please keep in mind that my knowledge is limited to Gwangju, a city roughly the size of Philadelphia.  I've only dated women from there, and the ladies that I have dated all live within the same general area of the city.  Although they were all Korean, there may be differences in how women from different cities may act, and there may be differences in how people from different parts of a particular city may act.  Numerous other factors may have made my experiences unique.  

Gwangju is a large city, and Korea is a highly populated country with numerous cities, many of them being larger than Gwangju, so these are merely observations from my experience, and are not to be taken as facts or universal truths.  

Another thing I would like for you to keep in mind is that I am a one-woman man.  I am not into "hook-ups."  I prefer not to go to bars or clubs.  I met my current girlfriend through a mutual friend that I go to church with, and we agreed to go on a blind date.  These observations are regarding the pursuit of a long-term relationship, and these may not stand when pursuing a "hook-up," as a culture exists where that obviously happens, but I prefer to not be a part of that.  With that in mind, I hope you find this to be informative.    

1.  If a Korean lady is single, chances are she lives with her parents, and they are usually more strict than western parents.  It is quite normal for an upper 20's single young professional Korean lady to be living with her mother and father, and usually she will have a curfew.  From my experience, it is not uncommon for it to be before 12.  How the lady deals with these circumstances depends solely on the individual.  

The first girl I dated, Tae Hee, would wait until her parents fell asleep, and then she would sneak out to meet me, because I worked nights, and I finished late.  Her parents had no idea that she was dating me.  The second girl I dated, had parents who sort of trusted her, so she simply told her mother where she was and who she was with, and she was usually fine with what she was doing.  Her father, on the other hand, did not know about me.  My current girlfriend, will not cross her mother under any circumstances.  I respect that, and we make the most out of the predicament.

My advice is that if you intend to be serious with your Korean girlfriend, respect the wishes of her parents.  It may be difficult, but at the same time, you must be a source of comfort, and not a source of stress.  Korean ladies already have lots to deal with, and it may come from their schooling, or their job, as they usually work such long hours by western standards.  A man who constantly works to undermine authority figures in a lady's life does nothing but bring unnecessary stress on top of that which she already has, and any reasonable woman would not want that.  Women prefer a man who makes their lives easier, and brings them comfort, and not one who complicates things.

2.  It might take you a significant amount of time for you to win a Korean lady's trust.  The first two ladies that I dated, upon initially realizing that there was potential for a relationship, gave me the same talk.  "Chrisu, I know that American man think Korean girl is easy…"  And it's not because of only that.  It's a combination of many things.  

Korean ladies are aware of the fact that westerners sign contracts in one-year increments.  They are also aware of the fact that most of them return to their respective countries once that contract is fulfilled.  If they are mature and of high character, a quality not uncommon among the Korean women that I've come across, long term possibilities will certainly be taken into account, and it will be difficult for them to trust and enter into a relationship with a man who they know will leave.  And if you expect her to move home with you, Korean society has become rather comfortable and advanced, and it is difficult for anybody to leave everything they know and are accustomed to for the unknown.   

Another inhibiting factor is the fact that she will probably be worried to some extent about how other Koreans will perceive her when she is seen in public with a western man.  I've read before that Korea is one of the most homogeneous societies in the world, and in a place where most of the people share the same hair color, eye color, and skin tone, and also in a society where "image is everything," she will be concerned with how others will perceive her when she is seen in public holding the hand of a man who dresses differently, has a different skin tone, different mannerisms, and different eye shape.  And like it or not, westerners do not have the best reputation among Koreans when it comes to dating.  She is well aware of the fact that she will stand out when she is with you, and how you act when you are with her will determine whether or not she stands out in a good or bad way.  

My advice is to be honest with her in all circumstances.  Don't pretend that you have all the answers.  When she brings up the future, sometimes it's ok to say, "I don't know," provided you show her that you have ambition, and that you care about her.  Be patient with her.  Again, a man should be a source of comfort, and not a source of unwanted stress, and if she is uncomfortable with going to a particular place, doing a particular thing with you, or taking the next step in your relationship, don't take it personally.  Be patient and understanding.  I realize that a man should be the one who pushes the boundaries in the relationship, but he should not do it in such a way that it will apply to her unwanted pressure and stress in her already stressful life.  

3.  This one is for all you halfies out there.  Times have changed, and through my experiences, I find that we are perceived differently as Korean society has become more modernized.  With that being said, I've yet to get a negative reaction by a Korean lady when I tell them that my mother is Korean.  Moreover, they love it.  

My advice is to use it to your advantage.  You have an advantage over other western men, for two reasons.  The first is that Korean ladies will sort of see you as one of them.   The second reason is you have more insights into their culture, and how Korean women think.  You've probably spent, at the very least, a significant portion of your childhood with at least one Korean woman (your mom), and who you are is indeed an asset, not a source of discrimination.     

4.  This is sort of a continuation of point #2.  If she is attractive by Korean standards and if she is of high character, and if she is with you, she obviously thinks very highly of you.  The less attractive ones will care a little less about public perception, because they are accustomed to being seen in a less positive light (That applies to people in any society).  They will be more willing to take risks to be with a man than a more attractive woman will be, because obviously the attention they receive from members of the opposite sex is less.  The more attractive ones are definitely more likely to take into account all of the factors in point #2, among others, when dating a western man, for the simple and obvious reason that they can afford to be selective.  

My advice is to have fun regardless.  If she is really attractive to Koreans, enjoy the fact that she is into you, but be patient at the same time.  Everybody knows the more attractive ladies require more work, and nothing worth having comes easily.  Korean women will probably test you more than a western lady will, and make you be the pursuer.  Enjoy the chase.  It's fun.    

You've probably noticed a common theme among all of this, which is to be patient. You may have a completely different experience, but based on mine, I can't stress that enough.  This applies to ladies of any society, but it especially applies with Korean ladies who are considering going into a relationship with a man from a different race and culture.   

5.  In a sociology class back at LSU, the professor said numerous times that Asians are the most likely of all the races to marry outside of their race.  Korean women are, no doubt, attracted to western men, but dating them is kind of frowned upon by some who are more traditional.  The more attractive she is, the more they seem to frown.  Don't let that deter you.  At the same time, you may also be seen sort of as a prize.  I have never experienced anything with so many contradictions.  It is an interesting phenomenon, so it is important to be a source of simplicity, and by that, I mean to simply have fun, and don't worry about what other people think.      

6.  Embrace your Americaness/Britishness/Canadianality/South Africaness/Australianality/New Zealandality.  If she wanted to date a Korean, she would be doing just that.  Take her for a ride, give her new experiences, and show her what it is like to be where you are from.  But at the same time, be aware of her culture, and respect it.  A proper balance must be established if you are serious about her.  

7.  If you can, befriend a western girl who dates Korean men, and converse with her about her experiences.  It could prove to be invaluable.  Her experiences can reveal to you how Korean men treat their ladies, which can give you insights into what Korean women expect.  I'm not telling you to act like a Korean man, because sometimes, they do and say things that I would never do, but you may be able to accomplish the same thing in a different way from your western perspective and methods.  

The most important thing is to have fun.  That's what it is all about, and that is what a woman from any society or culture values.  Korean women are classy, enthusiastic, and extremely feminine, so dating them can be an amazing experience, despite the difficulties and complications.  Good luck…  

2 (Stories from Class) + 1 (Random One)

Elaine is a sixth grader that I previously mentioned in the post, A Few Stories from Class.  She is rather intelligent, and since this story was posted, she has leveled up into a more advanced class taught by my coworker, Kezia.  I have since found out that Elaine was born in America, and lived there during her early childhood.  Kezia pointed out that Elaine has sort of a refined demeanor that most of the other students don't have, and that could be attributed to her travels.

When Kezia began teaching Elaine, I told her about how I call her Olivia, and how annoyed she gets.  So later on, Kezia told me about an instance in class where she warned, "Elaine, if you don't answer this question correctly, I will start calling you Olivia..."

She responded emphatically in a Korean accent, "I am not OLIVIA!!  CHRIS TEACHER TELL YOU BAD THING!!  CHRIS TEACHER TELL YOU BAD THING!!"

And sure enough, upon seeing her in the hall after that class, I greeted her as I always do, "Hey Olivia-- I mean Elaine." 

"Teacher, YOU TELL KEJJIA TEACHER BAD THING!!!"

"Sorry, Olivia-- I mean Elaine."

"I am not OLIVIA!!"

Joss is a second grader in one of my lower level classes.  There's no way to describe him except to say that he's a character.  Joss has a sly smile, and sometimes he can be difficult to contain, but nevertheless, he is a pleasant student to teach.  Kezia previously taught his class, and recently, teaching duties for it were turned over to me.

We give bimonthly speaking tests, and for the general speaking portion, we normally ask the lower levels questions such as, "What is your favorite...?"

And an answer that would receive full credit, without prompting, would be, "My favorite ... is ..."

Kezia warned me that if you give Joss the question, "What is your favorite animal?"  It would be guaranteed that he would answer it with, "My favorite animal is snake!"

When it came time for tests, I randomly chose general speaking questions for students, and it just so happened that Joss drew "favorite animal."

When it was his turn, I briefly greeted him, "Hey Joss, how are you?"

He looked at me, flashed his sly smile, and confidently stated in a Korean accent, "I'm fine, thank you!"

I set my timer, as students have thirty seconds to answer the general speaking portion, and I asked him, "Joss, what is your favorite animal?"

His eyes looked up and to the right as he gave a sly grin.  Then he paused.  Fifteen seconds went by without him saying anything.

I prompted him, "Joss, my favorite animal is a tiger."  Students are docked a point when prompting is required.

His eyes lit up, and he flashed his sly smile.  He confidently responded in a Korean accent, "My favorite animal is snake!!!"

I immediately laughed.  

Recharged

At my job, there are normally four of us foreign teachers on staff, but for the last two months we have been short one worker.  Kelsey, Kezia, and I have been covering a class load that is normally covered by four people.  Getting through the day hasn't been that difficult.  While at work, I am normally "in the zone," and all I'm thinking about is teaching.  Being tired, hungry, or thirsty never crosses my mind until I am finished.  While teaching, especially during the last two months, the only thing I really think about consuming is coffee.

Being that the number of classes that we are teaching is higher than normal, during the last two months, we had no breaks during our work time, so eating before work is essential.  I found that I was at my best when eating during preparation time.  We are required to be at work an hour before classes start for that.  A healthy meal enables one to have a more sound mind and body, and thus increasing performance at work.  Eating immediately before the start of class time has been an essential factor in my ability to be at my best when I am "in the zone" throughout the day.

As I stated earlier, normally at work, with the help of coffee, I am only concerned with teaching, so again, I never concern myself with being tired.  I've noticed that the fatigue begins to set in during the weekends.  I've been sleeping a lot more, and my desire to go out to see friends and other things has significantly dropped.  For the last month, my weekends, especially Saturdays, have consisted of me laying in my bed relaxing, ordering delivery, watching downloaded American TV shows, staying in at night, and falling asleep early.  Lately, I've been too tired to concern myself with having a strong social life.  During my time living in Korea, playing music with my friends on the praise team at my church has become sort of become something that I do on the weekends, no matter the circumstance, if I am in town.  That has not been the case these last few weeks because of the fatigue.  I've even been skipping out on that.

I spent this last weekend in Busan, and spending a weekend in a different city remaining anonymous, walking around exploring, and stopping in the occasional coffee shop for a cup and an internet surf is one of my favorite ways to relax and recharge, and my trip this weekend definitely enabled me to do that.  I turned off my phone, and relaxed mentally.

Busan is a coastal city, and it always seems to rain when I visit there.  I wanted to spend the weekend on the beach, but the rain may have been a blessing in disguise.  There is not much that I dislike more than being wet when I don't have to be, so last Sunday, I took the subway to Nampo Dong, found the nearest cafe, ordered what amounted to be a few cups of coffee, and proceeded to watch college football highlights on my computer.  I also spent an hour having a Sunday devotional, since I didn't attend church that day.  Looking out the window, I noticed a small japanese restaurant, and when I felt like it, I walked over, and had a bowl of Japanese ramen.  The rain enabled me to recharge both mentally and physically.  Normally during the weekend excursions, I am recharged mentally, but find myself physically tired.  That wasn't the case with the trip I took this weekend.

I came back to work today feeling good.  We recently hired a new teacher at our school, Natalie.  She just finished her training, and this week we are finally back to our normal class load, breaks and all.  During my break today, I went to the kimbab restaurant downstairs for a bite to eat.  Normally, only one of us foreign teachers at a time are on break, and this case was no different.  I went downstairs with my ipod touch and my set of headphones.  I sat in the restaurant reading a book that I had downloaded to my itunes along with music playing in my headphones while eating my meal.

Over the music, I overheard a group of young Korean girls sitting behind me.  I normally wouldn't have noticed them, but they were being especially loud and enthusiastic, so I looked back to see if they were students that I taught.  As I did so, they all immediately exclaimed in a Korean accent, "Oh!?  Whoa!  Hello!  How are You?!"  It was a group of fifth grade girls that didn't attend my school, eating a normal meal that fifth grade Korean girls would normally sit down and share together at a restaurant such as the one I was patronizing.  The girls were all very cute, and we shared the normal small talk that would be shared between a native English speaking teacher and a group of young students.  Each one of the five seemed to say at a different time, "You are handsome!"

After living in Korea for over a year, that still never gets old.  I responded to each one with, "Thankyou, and you are very pretty!"  As I finished my meal, and walked to the counter to pay for it, I suddenly got the urge to pay for theirs also, and I did.  I would have preferred that he not do what he did, but the man at the counter immediately told the girls that I payed for their meal.  Upon the realization, each one seemed to suddenly exclaim in a Korean accent, "Oh!?  Whoa!!  THANKYOU!!!"  One even said, "I love you!!"  They all made hearts above their heads with their arms as they thanked me.  I left the restaurant blushing, and in a good mood for the rest of the work day, as I proceeded to have one of my best work days in a while.

Two Dreams

I am a believer in the notion that God speaks to us through dreams, and I frequently have vivid ones.  I don't like to think too deeply into their meaning, because, many times, I've made a fool of myself making decisions based on such dreams, but there were also instances when I've made the correct decision in following them.

I had three interviews for three jobs in three different towns/cities in Korea.  My first interview was one for a hogwan in a rural town in the northeastern portion of South Korea.  The interview went as well as it could have, and I was offered the job.  

I believe when God opens doors for people, he makes the circumstances perfect, and on the surface they certainly appeared that way, which was why I felt sort of an internal pressure in my own mind to accept it.  I am extremely intuitive, and most of my major decisions are based on my intuition, and for some unexplainable reason, accepting the job in that rural town simply didn't "feel right."  It was a gut feeling, and this particular feeling seemed so ominous that it gave me a pit in my stomach.  I am not saying that rural jobs are inferior, because I have friends that work in rural areas who have had wonderful experiences.  It simply didn't feel like the right thing to do for me.  

A personal rule that I have for myself is to never make major decisions in haste.  A required immediate decision, for me, will always be a "no."  I always allow for at least one night of sleep before coming to a final decision, and in this particular instance, I did so hoping that I would feel better about accepting, and I didn't.  The internal pressure to take that job became stronger, and at the same time, so did the pit in my stomach.  I decided to sleep on it for another night, and as I fell asleep, I had a dream.  It contained nothing visual, as it was merely a voice that spoke to me, and it said, "It's okay to wait for something different."  

Upon awakening, I felt better.  I immediately emailed Dan Henrickson, my recruiter, to inform him that I would not be accepting the job.  

I don't know what would have happened had I decided to take the job in that small town.  It probably would have been a good experience, but I know it wouldn't have been as good as my current situation, which is perfect, so therefore, I have no regrets.  I have a feeling that I belong here in Gwangju, and nothing beats having that satisfaction and contentment.  My city and my job have been a source of immense blessing.  

As I stated earlier, I prefer not to think too deeply into the meaning of the dreams that I have, but some of them can be so vivid, emotional, and memorable that I can't help but think about them.  Upon merely making the decision to pursue jobs teaching English in either Korea or Japan, before starting a blog, and even before beginning the process of looking for jobs, I had one such dream on the couch of my parents' home in Louisiana.  It was so vivid that soon after, I felt compelled to write about it.  And this is what I wrote:

On a random night, I fell asleep on the couch at around 7pm.  It wasn't a deep sleep, but it was one that was deep enough for me to dream.  And in that dream, I saw her.  There was no mistaking her.  She was Asian, attractive, and in her early to mid twenties.  She wore her hair down.  It was long, well kept, and black.  She had the eyes, facial structure, and skin tone that is unique only to women of that race.  She was tall and slim with the feminine build of a model.  She was wearing a green t-shirt, and was standing in a green field.  The grass was long, and above her waist, but I knew she was wearing jeans.  

And then I looked closer, and I noticed her mouth, her nose, her facial expressions, and her mannerisms.  They were also mine.  She had managed to possess all of my quirks to go along with all of her beauty.  There was no mistaking her.  She was my daughter.  And the love that I began to feel for her was unmistakeable, and unexplainable.  She looked into my eyes, and it was as if I were looking into a mirror, and I immediately felt all the emotions, both good and bad, that she felt towards me.  And then I immediately awoke. 

It was such a powerful dream that I began to weep upon awakening.  Again, through experience, I have become one who doesn't think too deeply into them, but dreams like this particular one do nothing but compel me to ponder the possibilities.  This particular dream happened so long ago, and the reason I write about it is that I have never forgotten it, and for some reason, lately, I have found myself thinking about it more frequently.  So much so, that I've felt compelled to share it.  It could be prophetic, or it could mean absolutely nothing.  I guess we'll eventually find out with certainty.

I've had dreams, such as the first one, that give clear instructions.  I've also had ones, like the second one, that were merely visions that left me dumbfounded, and sometimes hoping.  I've also had some that have left me feeling like a fool.  It says in the bible that God spoke to Jacob and Joseph, the father of Jesus, in dreams, so obviously some have merit.  I find myself relying on my intuition and experience in discerning which are worth following, and which aren't.  It can be difficult.

My Guitars

A great piece of advice that I got before leaving for Korea was to "bring the one thing that you absolutely know you will miss, even if it costs money to put it on the plane, or to ship it."  It was a great piece of advice that I heeded.  I brought my acoustic guitar.  I know some of you will be asking, "Why didn't you just buy a cheap one in Korea?  It wouldn't cost much more than the price of checking it on the plane."  My answer to that is my Taylor acoustic guitar is my companion, and if I left it behind, playing a cheap one in Korea would cause me to miss it even more than not playing one at all, and I would never be able to stop playing.  On the flight from New Orleans to Los Angeles, I carried it on the plane.  On the Asiana flight between L.A. and Seoul, the compartments were too small for me to carry it on, so I had to check it, which costed fifty dollars.  I knew I would miss both of my guitars, and bringing my acoustic was worth it.

I realize that you may find this to be rather bizzarre, but I name my guitars and guns.  I'll start by quickly sharing the names of my guns.  My 12-gauge shotgun is definitely a female.  I gave her the name, Bernice.   I also have an SKS assault rifle that is undoubtedly a male, and I named him Rico Suave.  I am not a hunter.  I am a "city boy," and although I can count the number of times I've been hunting on one finger, I do believe in exercising my second amendment rights as an American.  I believe in protecting oneself in the case of an emergency.  I also love to occasionally go out and "pump lead" in a country field.  Not much feels better than destroying a watermelon, or watching a two-liter of coke explode.  Shooting a gun feels amazing, as does playing a guitar.

Before coming to Korea, I tried to make it as a traveling singer-songwriter, and I didn't succeed as a professional musician for two reasons.  I didn't work hard enough, and I simply wasn't good enough.  I am not bitter, and I don't regret pursuing my dream.  A blessing that came as a result of my pursuit is that writing lyrics has made me a better writer of prose, as I focus just as much on the flow of my words as I do the content.  Contrary to what one might believe, my love for music has grown exponentially since my pursuit.  Music relaxes me, and enables me focus.  The only thing that feels better than hearing an amazing song is performing one in front of people.

I currently own two guitars.  My acoustic guitar is definitely a male that I named, Jake, and as I stated earlier, he is here with me in Korea.  Bringing him was one of the best decisions that I made regarding my time here.  I play and sing on the worship team at my church, and that has been an amazing blessing in itself.  I still write music, but not nearly as frequently as I used to, but when I do, I take comfort in knowing that my companion is with me to be my aid in inspiration.  Every once in a while I still get the itch to perform, and whenever an opportunity arises, I have Jake with me to "blow minds (not really)."  I also enjoy "fine-tuning" my singing and playing quietly alone in my apartment, as I find that to be one of the most soothing things a human can do.  Squeezing the neck, pressing the strings, strumming, and quietly matching the tone and rhythm of my voice to that of a guitar other than Jake, here in Korea, would just not be the same.

My other guitar is an electric, and is a female.  She is a black Fender American Standard Telecaster that I named, Rosalyn, but I call her Rose.  Rose has a white pick guard, and was a graduation gift that I received from my parents upon finishing my studies at LSU.  My older brother received a beautiful gold graduation ring, and as much as I would love to have such a meaningful symbol that is such a wonderful source of pride, I asked instead for the guitar of my dreams.

I plug Rose into a Fender Twin Reverb guitar amp.  It's called a twin because it has two twelve inch speakers that sit side-by-side.  Rose and the Twin Reverb together are capable of blowing the roof off of any large building.  It is also capable of blowing down most brick walls.  I don't understand why they ever used sledge hammers bring down the Berlin Wall.  I have a few petals (no pun intended) for Rose, one being a Keeley modified Ibanez Tube Screamer, which gives it a nasty distortion sound with a vibration that feels absolutely incredible in the chest when the volume is high.  I would have loved to have brought her here to Korea, but that just wasn't feasible, being that the amp is enormous and extremely heavy, and not to mention, toting along the petal board, which would have been counted as another checked bag.  An acoustic is a lot more practical here, because of it's portability.

Rose is one of the things that I miss most about home.  I get excited, and my heart beats a little faster every time I think about plugging her into my petal board, plugging that pedal board into my Fender Twin Reverb, flipping the switch, watching that red light on my amp begin to brightly glow, turning up the volume before squeezing Rose's neck, and pressing my fingers against her strings that stretch above her rosewood fretboard.  I would then tap my foot on that green Ibanez TS9 Keely modified Tube Screamer pedal to activate the distortion, and authoritatively hit a chord, as I begin to feel power at my finger tips.  I get chills thinking about it, and when I lay in bed at night, if I am not careful, and I think about it too much, I won't be able to sleep.

I miss Rose, and can't wait to play her again, but it is also comforting to know that my faithful companion, Jake, is here with me here in Korea to aid me in my joy, my pain, and my worship.  I am also excited knowing that Rose will be at home waiting for me on my return.  I can't wait to get back.

This week, we had writing tests at school.  Some of my students never cease to amaze me, and one of my sixth graders, Jenny, is among them.  She has always been such a kind girl in class, who has such a pleasantness about her, as she always playfully asks me if she could wear one of the Angry Bird badges on my jacket, or if she could keep one of my red pens.  Before reading this, I never knew that a sixth grader was capable of possessing such wisdom, along with the ability to express it so profoundly.  I almost tear up thinking about it, and if you knew her, and saw her wonderful humility, along with her work ethic, you probably would too.  I'll let you read what she wrote in response to the question, "If you had a time machine, what time period would you like to visit?"  I know that the future of our world is in good hands.

Plastic Surgery in Korea

I am currently in Seoul for the weekend.  Whenever I get bored in Gwangju, and feel like spending time alone, I'll hop on a bus, and enjoy a weekend of walking the streets of Seoul with my headphones and my ipod.  I am currently in a coffee shop in a district called Gangnam.  From what I've read, it is a district where the most affluent of Seoul live.  Upon walking the streets, that definitely becomes apparent.  The women are all extremely fashionable.  The men here carry themselves as one would expect from a person of wealth and status.  The latest and the most expensive of everything seems to be the norm in this area.

Generally speaking, Koreans are wealthy people.  Korea is among the top twenty economies in the world, and it is among the top twenty five nations in per capita income.  Obviously, as is the case with all people who are wealthy, generally speaking, Koreans have a significant amount of disposable income.  And as do women of all nationalities, backgrounds, and income levels, a huge amount of Korean women have issues with their self image.

I teach students ranging in grade levels from the second through sixth grade, and these problems with a negative self image are definitely prevalent, even among them, and it is especially evident among my sixth graders.  On the bimonthly written tests that we give our students, one of the questions for a test given to one of my sixth grade classes was, "What do you like about yourself?"  

One girl wrote, and I paraphrase, "I like the fact that all my friends are very pretty."  She continued, "I don't understand why they are friends with me, because I don't think I am pretty enough."     

I also hear rumblings, and rumors of various female middle school students in my school who don't like the way they look, so they have verbalized a desire to get plastic surgery when they get older.  I hear of Korean high school girls, who upon graduation, have their parents pay for double eyelid surgery, a procedure done to make the eyes appear larger, as a graduation present.  Many Korean girls also have surgery to enlarge their noses, and some have procedures to make their cheeks appear smaller.

Quite frankly, it's sad.  It's upsetting because it's evidence of a problem, and that being that Korean society, like many other affluent societies in the world, places an excessively high emphasis on the importance of vanity, which causes girls of all ages to have a negative self-image.  This is especially true with the prettiest.  It's the norm for Korean celebrities to have such procedures, and it puts a positive spin on something that is negative, and it has sadly perpetuated the epidemic.

It saddens me, because, especially in my youngest students, I see so much beauty and potential in each of them, as individuals.  And much like English, they are being taught, at a young age, this unnecessarily excessive importance of vanity.  It saddens me because many of these students, especially girls, as a result, will grow up to have a negative self image, and will sadly hear the lie that plastic surgery is the answer.  As an authority figure in their lives, I feel that I have a moral obligation to nurture their growth as people, to guide them, and to enable and empower them to become productive citizens in society, and these negative self-image issues are definitely a hinderance. 

Obviously, girls in the west suffer from this as well, and it is an area where husbands, boyfriends, and mothers in these affluent societies have failed.  Especially in Korea, a society where people are driven so hard, and have so much pressure applied to them at such a young age in order to better themselves, a significant amount of girls are never told by their fathers that they are pretty.  Wives and girlfriends are encouraged by their significant others to have cosmetic surgery, instead of being comforted, and reassured that they are beautiful as they are.  Many of these young girls are told by their mothers, "you have to do 'this and this' to become more beautiful," instead of being told, "You are beautiful as you are."

It is a failure in our world's medical industry.  Instead of being driven to become orthopedic surgeons, cardiovascular surgeons, and/or even neurosurgeons, many young med students in Korea are choosing to become cosmetic surgeons in order to make young Korean and Japanese girls' eyes and noses appear larger, not because these girls are victims of car crashes or birth defects, but because these girls are victims of this notion that they are not beautiful enough.  Instead of working more vigorously to find a cure for such horrible deseases as aids and cancer, many doctors in America are figuring ways to perfect breast augmentation procedures on young healthy women, who instead being victims of breast cancer, are victims of this belief that they are not pretty enough, and that cosmetic surgery is the answer. 

This excessive emphasis on vanity in these affluent societies is a problem that can only be solved by the men of these societies.  We, as men, must be the ones to take a stand and declare that this is wrong.  We must do so by being better fathers.  We must tell our daughters that they are beautiful as they are.  We must do so by being more effective examples for our sons, and show them how to be better husbands, by loving our wives as they are.  We, as men, must learn to be strong, and tell our significant others and daughters, "No."  We must show the girls in our society that they are pretty enough, and do so in such a way that when they see an advertisement for a particular cosmetic surgical procedure, they will be inclined to confidently state, "I'm glad that I will never need that."                   

K-Pop

I am antipop in most realms of modern media.  I dislike most popular movies.  I have never seen Wedding Crashers.  Nor have I seen Avatar, Pirates of the Caribbean, or The Hangover.  With the exception of The Office, I dislike most popular TV shows.  I hate Friends.  I think it's extremely corny and trendy.  I've never gotten into Seinfeld, nor have I ever seen an episode of Lost.  Honestly, I don't regret having missed out.  I am a self-admitted elitist regarding modern media.

I can understand people's sentiments regarding my taste in movies.  Not everybody understands the genius behind Wes Anderson's work.  Not everybody can enjoy a good movie by the Cohen Brothers.  A lot of my friends found Lost in Translation to be boring.  Not everybody likes Lord of the Rings.  These movies are for a certain type of person, and not everybody gets it.  

The realm of media that I feel the most strongly about is music.  I realize that you can't get away from an extremely catchy song, no matter how moronic it is, but I do my best to shield myself from the everything associated with the mainstream popular music industry.  

I don't understand why people are so closed minded regarding their taste in music.  Most of my friends don't like music that isn't played on the radio.  They dislike anything that is heard for the first time via an avenue other than the radio, a movie, a tv show, or a tv commercial.  I especially don't understand people's closed mindedness in this modern age of the internet where everything is at our fingertips.  There are an uncountable amount of artists and bands out there who are more talented than those who are part of the mainstream.  There are all types to suit all tastes, so regarding music, people have no excuse in being so closed minded.  

It is such a good feeling to play something amazing for somebody who has never heard it before, and to hear them say, "I'm going to download his/her/their music when I get home."  It's even better when they begin to talk further about it in later conversations, and to have them later recommend good artists that they discovered, because their minds were opened, and they were exposed to something artistic and intelligent that opened their eyes.

Currently, I am feeling like such a hypocrite, because I have grown to kind of...  sort of...  (gasp)... enjoy K-pop.  And as I've stated in a previous post, it goes against everything I stand for musically.  I still fight it, but I can't help it.  The songs are so catchy, even though I don't understand most of the language.  I like it despite the fact that the music is corny, generic, manufactured, and overproduced.  I can't help it.  With some of it, I can't help but like it, despite fighting the feeling.  By "some," I mean the music sung by artists that are extremely attractive.  

I was hooked the moment I saw the music video for the song, "Gee" by Girls Generation.  That particular video is absolutely ridiculous in terms of how beautifully its extremely attractive members are portrayed.  It possesses the deadly combination of an extremely catchy melody matched with a group of femininely gorgeous women.  The melody in that song is uniquely Asian.  It is something that would be impossible for somebody from the west to create, and that contributes heavily to its likability.  There is no doubting the fact the the members of Girls Generation are all extremely alluring.  Any man with a pulse would agree with that.  But the addition of a catchy song makes them very likable, and I find myself singing their music more and more.  I really do hate myself sometimes...  

The funny thing is that in Korea, groups like Girls Generation are mostly popular with the men.  Men openly listen to this.  I've been in the cars of some of my male Korean friends while they blasted songs like "Gee."  On one such occasion, because I hear a lot of my female students talk about them, I asked my male Korean friend, "Do you have anything by Beast?"

He gave me the strangest look.  It was one that screamed, "Why would I have anything by them?!  What kind of man do you take me for?!"  And this was despite the fact that the song that he was blasting with his top of the line stereo system was a little less than masculine.

In America, men would never openly admit to enjoying music by girl groups, or feminine artists, no matter how beautiful they are.  Back home, females are the ones who openly listen to such music.  Men would only blast such music in their cars when they are alone.  They would only play such music on their ipods when the chances of somebody asking, "Hey, what are you listening to?" are as slim as possible.  When they play it on their computers, they would erase the history, so nobody would see that they were actively searching for such music.  They go to such lengths because they know, if caught, they would be made fun of by friends who share the same guilty pleasures, and do the same exact thing when nobody is around.  

In Korea, generally speaking through my experience, the men enjoy the girl groups, and the women enjoy the boy groups.  As with everything, there are exceptions, and correct me if I am wrong.  Men openly enjoy girl groups like Girls Generation, and the Wonder Girls.  Women enjoy boy groups such as Beast, Big Bang, and CNBlue.  An exception to the rule is the group, 2NE1 (pronounced 'twenty-one').  They have sort of a rebellious "bad girl" image that really appeals to Korean girls.  I like them too.  I find them to be the most unique, and artistic of all of the K-Pop artists.   

I'm really hating myself at the moment...  I need to blast some AC/DC to remind myself of my manhood...  like, now.